Wednesday, September 12, 2012

The What

I've never understood bullies. I mean, I get the concept of feeling "higher" by lowering someone else. But I never understood the motivation to actually put something like that into motion. Yes, I could say or do something to take someone down a peg or two. But how does that make me feel any better?

Won't I just feel crummy again later? And maybe that's the case. Perhaps people who intentionally hurt other people do feel bad later so they seek out another victim to damage.

Maybe it's a cycle that isn't easily broken.

I was bullied a few times as a child. Each time was terrifying because I am by no means a fighter. At least not in the physical sense. But with the exception of the time my sisters and I were chased home by a pack of girls (yes, a pack), someone has always stood up for me.

A friend, one of my sisters, or random kid who apparently also knew I wasn't a fighter and didn't want to see me beat up or taken advantage of.

I've been a mixed bag when it comes to standing up for myself and more specifically to bullies. It may be that I over-think most things. I try to understand why someone would seek to undermine me. Or say dishonest things.

But I'm learning that the "why" does not always matter. It's my "what" that means the most.

What am I going to do about it?

I'm gonna stand up for my own d@mn self, that's what!