As always, life is series of transitions. And one thing I've been battling is the melancholy brought on by being at home for the summer. Over the last few years I've come to expect and enjoy bringing in my own money. Having professional time away from the family. And utilizing my skills.
So this temporary hiatus is hitting me pretty hard. Which is pretty unexpected seeing as how it was my decision to be home. After griping and moaning to my sister I began to wonder why I am tying my self worth to a job.
I am still an educator. I am ever a student. My writing has not ceased.
So why am I depressed and doubting my professional worth?
This must be a question as old as man. If we cease to toil on the per-determined track are we still useful?
The obvious answer is YES. But sometimes our hearts and minds fight each and disagree. In my head I know I am still as qualified and useful as I was when I earned a paycheck a held a title. But lately my heart's been sad that it not longer reports for work each day.
Buddhism holds that all life is suffering and when we let go of existential trappings and pleasures we will truly be free.
I'm having a hard time letting go.