Wednesday, November 2, 2011

The pain of knowing


Monday found me sprawled across a patient table getting assessed for the source of my back pain. Strangely, I noticed myself thinking that it would be so much better if I didn't know the source of the problem. Then I wouldn't have to take action.

The physical therapist kept right on prodding the tender parts along my spine, and determined that my left side was substantially weaker than the right. Thereby putting immense pressure on my back.

All this new found knowledge made me feel depressive.
"Why was my back jacked up and my strength uneven?"
After all, I ran throughout summer and had just proven myself by completing a taxing marathon. Couldn't I catch a break?

I saw Oprah say somewhere that we should give ourselves a timed pity party, to get it out and over with. So, after about two minutes I had to check myself and realize this knowledge was empowering me to could change the situation.

People are always griping about how unfair or sucky life is. How things should go along differently.
Are we truly entitled to a life of fairness and bliss?
Where would our stories come from if not from the therapist's table?

I honestly and sincerely am not interested in another fitness regime right now. I have 5 classes to complete, the Basic Skills test to pass, and my freelance career to nurture. Not to mention a holiday job and volunteer activities that currently lay claim to my calendar.

But life isn't fair, and things do not always go according to plan.
 If my left side is weak I need to strengthen it.
That's the pain of knowing.  It's now my prerogative to turn it into the pleasure of doing.