Tuesday, May 26, 2009

What makes People join Cults/Stay in UnHealthy Relationships?

Growing up I took quite a while to come out of my proverbial shell.

I was quiet and preferred the company of my mother as opposed to almost anyone else. But I do recall watching people. Their faces, listening to the words they used and the actions they took.

I thought mistakes were unnecessary. I wanted to figure what was right and do that for as long as possible.

Well, you can see how that could pose problems later. Not only did I fail to see the value of learning from failure, but I also had developed an all or nothing, do or die, judgemental attitude to life.

That thinking set me up to be the perfect candidate to join an Organization that claimed to have 'figured it all out'. Young, disillusioned and impressionable. Yep, I fit the bill. At least for a while....

After some years of mind control and manipulation, I began to do what I had honed as a child. I watched people. Their equivocations. Body language. Actions.

Next I did the unmentionable. I started to ask questions. Like "Why?"

Why is your answer the only correct one? What's wrong with debating something openly? Isn't this a personal issue that I should decide?

So it was all downhill from there. Or perhaps uphill, in that it took a while to trust my personal instinct and people again. I also had to forgive myself for having made a mistake. And accept it as life. Something that I have only just found peace with this very weekend.

The Organization used bullying, cajoling, then ostracizing in an attempt to minimize the affects of my defection.

The sad part; that made me relive this experience, is that I interact regularly with people who are still under the sway of someone else.

Some are in fact members of the said Organization. While others are just in unhealthy, life-draining relationships. Both lead to a sense of deep disturbance, guilt, and dissatisfaction. The type that can't be remedied or explained away.

Some of these individual understand the reasoning behind the listlessness and lack of joy, while others refuse to put their fingers on the pulse of what's wrong.

Its a hard, hard thing to do. To break away from something that is eating your soul alive. To do so would mean to set out in the unknown. It would also mean admitting to have made a mistake. To have "wasted years" so to speak. Sometimes letting your personal err become public keeps even the most brave people silent and sentenced.

All I can do for the people I know and love is what my mother did for me. Love them. Listen to them.

And ask questions.

Sonia, Sonia!

Today President Obama nominated Sonia Sotomayor as the third woman and first Hispanic to the Supreme Court.

Well, I must say I have been rooting for her since Souter's pending retirement was announced.

Sotomayor is a Bronx native, who lost her father at age 9. Her mother worked as a nurse to support their family. Judge Sotomayor went on to attend Yale Law school and served as an editor to the Law Review.

If/when nominated Sotomayor will have more judicial experience than anyone currently serving on the bench (or for the past 100yrs for that matter).

Huffpost has blogged about her extensively.

I am sure some may get into an anti-Affirmative Action frenzy. But this Latina sister is well-qualified for the Supreme Court bench.

Chris Rock says in The Black List by Elvis Mitchell, "My father told me I could never beat white people, but I could knock them out."

I have never felt the need to "beat white people". Mine has always been a competition with myself and my peers, whether they be black or white.

But I understand the sentiment. This woman is deserving of this position and honor. And she has had to work darn hard in order to even be considered. She knocked the competition out.

However, today marks first day in the war to diminish her accomplishments.

But in the meantime.......I love you Sonia, Sonia!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Stop in the name of LOVE

Ok, perhaps I have some living or growing up to do. But a "dear friend" of mine recently said something very hurtful to me. Along the lines of "You're a disappointment, I feel sorry for you."

And it truly broke my heart.

I try to respect the people in my life and especially those in my inner circle. And I have never intentionally and definitely not publicly insulted another person before.

I stick close to my sisters and fam. Any other friendships I have with non-relatives have either blossomed into sisterhoods or pleasantly remain as acquaintances.

So for someone to attack me for having an opinion different than their own really hurts.

I guess I'm not a heartbreak-by-your-former-sister 'virgin' anymore.

Thanks "Sister".

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Say it Ain't so Uncle Sam, say it ain't so!

As a military spouse of eight years, I have seen and heard of many Heterosexuals dishonoring their uniform by unseemly conduct. Whether it be off color jokes. Inappropiate flirting. And in some cases violent behavior.

But I have Never, Never seen or heard of homosexual misconduct. Never. Not once in eight years. Not even rumors.

Now the realist in me knows, there had to of been cases of Gay service members caught in unbecoming circumstance at least some of the time. But the most prevalent and personally disturbing cases I've had contact with have all included Straight service members. (To my knowledge)

So imagine my horror when I click on The Rachel Maddow show, for the first time in many months, due to a military move. Only to find her speaking with a newly discharged Airman of 18 years. An F-15 fighter pilot no less.

Eighteen damn years!

An airman who not only received over $25 million worth of training and education from the service, but who had also served with distinction; having been awarded a number of medals.

He has been discharged for being GAY!

Not for disorderly conduct. Not for insubornation. Not for endangering his brethern. But for who he protentially kisses. I am sorry but WTF. WTF!

Really? This man cannot protect my country or my children because he like men? Really?

Lt. Col. Victor Fehrenbach is unqualified to preform his duties because he prefers dudes?


I am ashamed. Ashamed of my community.......

We must stop this. This discrimination goes against everything America stands for and everything he was willing to risk his life to protect.

I am ashamed.